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Do you play “The Glad Game”? That describes the philosophy of that the main character, Pollyanna Whittier, of the book Pollyanna[i]. Pollyanna was taught by her father to find the good side in every situation. Her optimism was so entrenched that she found something good to focus on she was struck by a car and faced with the possibility of never walking again. She eventually taught a whole town to look on the bright side of life.

If you think that positive thinking does not impact your health, think again! Trindle et al[ii] studied almost 100,000 women for approximately 8 years. The researchers found that women who were judged to be the most cynical and hostile were at an increased risk to develop cancer, cardiovascular disease, or die during the research period. Interestingly, the researchers found that the effect of cynical hostility (which might also be thought of as the level of anger toward others) and optimism were independent of one another. In other words, you may think brightly about the future, but you can also harm yourself by choosing to carry anger, resentment, and even rage toward those around you. Conversano et al.[iii] reviewed the literature and found a wealth of studies validating the positive impact of optimism on mental and physical health. Interestingly, I came across a fair amount of research and editorials in the medical literature which carried the tone that people “better face reality” in relation to illness, but that is the subject for a future article. Gilhooly et al[iv] compared “healthy” and “unhealthy” pairs of people who were 70 to 90 years of age. The total sample size was more than 200 individuals. They found that people who “endorse an internal locus of control” (believe that they have some control over the course of events) and were less neurotic tended to be categorized as being more healthy. They concluded that personality traits were linked to health status.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I wholeheartedly embrace pollyannaism. When I have found myself in the darkest moments of my life, it seemed to me that it was obviously the time to look up and go forward. That is not to say that I never experience anger, frustration, or those negative feelings that can dim the brightness of life. However, I decided long ago that I am going to search for the bright side of every situation. To me it is really the only choice. “Choice” is the key word in that sentence. My parents and brother all died after developing cancer. In retrospect, each one of them had long term battles with the demons of frustration, anger, anxiety, or depression. Of course, some people have chemically based disorders, and there has been research indicating that personality traits are genetically influenced. However, I am living proof that you can choose to be an upbeat, optimistic, and positively focused person. I choose to play the Glad Game as much and as often as possible!

Do you play the Glad Game? If so, great! Keep it up!! Would you like to start playing the glad game? Let me help you. Begin by ending your day with a review what has “gone right” today.  Your challenge should be to increase the number of things you have on your list until you can routinely get over 20 items on the list. Focus on the little things. Did your alarm go off on time? Was the sun shining? Did the kids remember to brush their teeth on their own? Was traffic just a bit lighter? The possibilities are endless! Make a list for a minimum of 14 days, and then assess whether you have begun to notice the little things that are going right during the day. If so, then it’s on to the next Glad Game exercise. If not, continue to create a list until you notice a change in your perspective.  I will be posting more glad game exercises via my blog (Seek THE Positive: http://www.bingoforlearning.com/healthblog/). In order for you to create a more positive outlook on life, play the Glad Game today and every day. I’m committed to being a life-long Glad Game player. Won’t you join me?


[i] Porter, Eleanor. (1913) Pollyanna. L.C. Page publisher.

[ii] Trindle, et al. (2009). Optimism, cynical hostility, and incident coronary heart disease and mortality in the Women’s Health Initiative. Circulation. 2009 Aug 25;120(8):656-62. Epub 2009 Aug 10. 

[iii] Conversano, et  al. (2010) Optimism and Its Impact on Mental and Physical Well-Being. Clin Pract Epidemiol Ment Health. 2010; 6: 25–29. Published online 2010 May 14. doi: 10.2174/1745017901006010025.  

 [iv] Gilhooly et al. (2007) Successful ageing in an area of deprivation: part 2–a quantitative exploration of the role of personality and beliefs in good health in old age. Public Health. 2007 Nov;121(11):814-21. Epub 2007 Jul 2.

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The clock is ticking.

The days are flying by.

And all you can think is, “Do I have to do _____ again?”

You can fill in the blank. We all have things to do in life that are boring or unpleasant. Yet, we must do them. No matter what role you are in (e.g., employer, parent, spouse, friend, colleague, etc.) there are things that you must do in order to maintain or improve your relationships with others. Certain tasks or obligations, however, are more arduous than others.

The task of leading others is one of the most difficult of our lives. Being a good leader requires great skill. This is especially true when you must motivate people to do something that they do not want to do. You may not recognize all the areas of your life that require you to assume a position of leadership. You lead employees to perform well at their jobs. You lead your children toward internalizing a good value system and achieving their goals in life. You must sometimes lead your spouse or a friend to assist them in making good choices. You even lead yourself when you set and achieve goals for your own life. Actually, it is your ability to lead or motivate yourself that helps you complete mundane tasks (e.g., getting out of bed) throughout the day. No matter which of the five key areas of life* that you consider, each one requires that you somehow serve as an inspirational leader for others at one time or another.

Being a leader requires a significant amount of energy and ingenuity. Others constantly make demands on your time, attention, and resources. For most people, there are numerous occasions when they spend so much time and effort leading, directing, and inspiring others, they forget to save energy to spark the key player on the team: themselves. Has this happened to you? Are you the victim of what I refer to as “Listless Leadership”?

Listless Leadership occurs when you have drained your own resources or allowed them to be drained by others. There is nothing left for you to draw upon within yourself so that you can inspire those around you. You are tired, fatigued, uninterested, indifferent, and basically unexcited about completing the task at hand. You begin to question why you couldn’t delegate a task to someone else, why you are actually struggling to motivate someone else, or if anyone would notice if you don’t do something “just this once.” Actually, the answer to the last question is “no.” No one will notice if you fail to send a power packed fax, give an uplifting pep-talk, or engage in a meaningful discussion with them – just this once. However, if no one notices, just this once, then there is the tendency to continue to not complete an unpleasant or unpalatable task in the future. More importantly, since any good team adopts or emulates the energy level and spirit of its leader, your team may fall into the doldrums if you are uninspired yourself. Listless Leadership, therefore, can easily become a constant, contagious, and chronic problem.

Can you imagine the effect on a sales staff if the manager unconsciously communicates that it is acceptable to put off making contacts with potential clients until tomorrow? Will most children complete a difficult school assignment if they are left to motivate themselves to do so? How many community service projects would be completed if the organizers didn’t provide any direction and just left it up to the participants to complete a variety of tasks at their leisure? The answers are: disastrous, no, and very few. Suffice it to say that it is very serious and deleterious when any team captain suffers from Listless Leadership.

How do you assess whether you suffer from Listless Leadership? Ask yourself the following questions:

Are you often physically exhausted?

Do events at home and/or work leave you emotionally drained?

Are you able to recognize the achievements of people who look to you for leadership and guidance?

Do you feel that your own efforts or work have gone unrecognized by others?

Are you overly focused on one area of your life? Has accomplishing a particular goal become the core of your existence?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then follow this formula to take the first step transforming your pattern of Listless Leadership into the optimal style for leading others that I call “Luminary Leadership”:

If you are often physically exhausted, then you need Plentiful Periods of rest and self-care so you can improve how you function in all the important areas of life.

If you feel emotionally drained and empty, then take the time to replenish your Emotional Energy reserve. People who lack energy live uninspired lives and “just get by” from one day to the next. They are unable to experience emotions in the same way as those who allow for quiet time to center themselves.

If you cannot recognize the good qualities in those around you, then you should examine their conduct and deeds and shower them with Abundant Admiration.

If you feel your efforts or your work are unrecognized or unappreciated, then do not hesitate to tell the people who need to know about the Copious Contributions that you have made.

If you are overlyfocused on a project or a particular area in your life, then it is imperative for you to Expansively Examine the Events and Entities that Enrich your Existence!

What is so special about this combination of positive factors and actions? They will synergistically work together to increase your feeling of inner peace! That’s it my friends. The key to metamorphosing your unproductive pattern of Listless Leadership into the invaluable skills and characteristics of a Luminary Leader is maintaining a sense of inner peace. That inner peace is the foundation upon which your life is built. It is the fountain that replenishes you when your reserves are low. It is the spark within yourself that you will ultimately utilize to ignite others.

Does it seem odd that the key to motivating others is your sense of inner peace? It shouldn’t! Your sense of inner peace is like the keel on a ship. It helps you to remain balanced and steady in the midst of a storm. It gives you confidence that you can make full use of the prevailing winds without fear of capsizing. A strong sense of inner peace also fosters living your life in the present. If you are at peace with your present life, then your future successes will only enhance your sense of peace and feeling of personal satisfaction. It is those people who cannot live in the present who constantly search for things in the future that will make them happy or blame things in the past for their present discontent. They cannot lead others toward success because they cannot even lead themselves.

What does all that have to do with being motivated and motivating others? A sense of inner peace promotes a positive vision of life. That vision makes it possible for you to focus on the positive aspects of any situation and sustain a positive outlook toward life. It will also help you to see interesting possibilities and opportunities as they present themselves to you throughout your life which will expand your feeling of success. Viewing life in positive terms will prompt you to care for your physical and mental health. In fact, it is well documented that a positive outlook and attitude has amazingly beneficial effects on your health. If you are both healthy and at peace with yourself, you will be less likely to drive yourself unmercifully toward unrealistic goals. You will not perceive that other people “have it so much better” because of a particular achievement or possession. Improving your sense of inner peace will empower you to move toward your goals. They will also activate your ability to serve as a catalyst in any situation. You will become the spark that can ignite the fire in others. You will truly be a leader because you will lead others toward success by your own example.

The secret to motivating others is building a solid foundation in your own life. The basis for that foundation is your sense of inner peace and personal satisfaction. Upon that foundation you will build the framework of a diverse, interesting, and satisfying life. The foundation and framework then create an environment in which meaningful relationships at home, work, and in the community can develop and flourish. Being with you will become a pleasant, positive, and motivating experience for others. They will seek to emulate you and look to you for guidance. In that way, you will be a spark. That spark will ignite a chain of events that will improve your life and the lives of those around you. Make the decision today to begin to lay that foundation within yourself and become a spark to those around you. Choose to lead others with a dazzling spark of brilliance rather than with a dull and indifferent collection of directives!

* Please refer to Susan’s article: “The Personal Pinnacle of Success: Defining Success and Climbing the Mountain on Your Own Terms” at http://www.uncommoncourtesy.com/personal1.htm.

Copyright © 1998-2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

This article (including the copyright notice) may be reprinted with the following the following attachment:

© 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

Bingo Games, Motivational Material and More at www.UnCommonCourtesy.com! More than 200 holiday, religious, educational, and diversity bingo games and concentration sets available . Bingo games for adults and children to play at home, school, church, corporate meetings, and just about anywhere you can imagine. Games made to order for every occasion. Motivational articles and personal growth exercises too! Join Susan Rempel, Ph.D.’s blog: Seek THE Positive.

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Regardless of your favorite water source, take time to visit the Environmental Working Group’s website: www.ewg.org/tap-water/home. What you learn may be jaw dropping!

The group’s National Drinking Water Database reviews 173 different bottled waters in terms of the water source, the purification process, product testing, and advanced treatment following testing. There were no “A” grades, and only 3 varieties received a “B” grade. That’s 3 out of 173 different brands! While I was happy to find the brand that I primarily use was one of those three, I was shocked to read about the products that received a “D” or “F” grade. Products that are sold in expensive restaurants and markets, as well as brands sold in health-oriented stores were on the list. You can click through the name of each product and learn about differences between information listed on the product label and the supplier’s website. You can also find information about the product’s water source, the purification method, additional information, and the water quality reports associated with the product. The information is so specific that frequently several different samples of the same brand (often purchased in different states) were compared.

If you think that your water is pure because you have a filtration system installed on your tap or through your refrigerator, think again! First search the EWG’s database for the test results of your local water supplier. You can read first-hand about contaminants found in the water between 2004 and 2009, the concentration level of the contaminants, as well as the number of times that the water was tested. Then, take the time to learn what the particular filter you are using actually promises to minimize or remove. If your filter does not address the particular threats found in your local water system, your future health may be impacted. The EWG’s site also has a handy search tool for finding a filter that addresses your needs. If you have not been tested for the presence of heavy metals in your body, it might be an educational experience to learn about the water sources of where you lived in the past. The contaminants found in the water source of my home town were drastically different from those where I live now.

If you know of any other good sources of information about the water that we drink, please contact me at susan@uncommoncourtesy.com.

Susan

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You may recall that in a previous article*, someone prompted me to step back and examine my own pattern of behavior. Well, this time I managed to figure out something all by myself. I had been hemming and hawing about what to do about a particular situation. Last night, I woke up from a sound sleep. I sat up in bed and said to myself, “What exactly are you waiting for?”

Have you ever asked yourself the same question? Has there been something in your own life that you have repeatedly postponed. It seems to me that everyone has something they want to do in life, but it just never seems to be the “right time” to do it. It may be changing jobs, getting married, going back to school, having a baby, buying a house, or one of a million different decisions. There always seems to be a good reason to put if off. “I’ll just wait until after the holidays.” “I’ll start just as soon as I finish that big project at work.” “When I’ve saved a bit more money, I’ll be ready to jump right in.” “I’ll do it when I have more time.” Do you hear the open-ended nature of these responses? There is no deadline. In each of these cases, taking action may be postponed indefinitely. Actually, let’s call those statements what they really are: excuses. Each of these statements emanates from reasoning that is passive. The speaker is waiting for something else to happen. Action is required only after that something else has occurred.

The problem with living your life in a passive stance is that the world around you is not going to wait for your “right time.” Time does not stand still and neither does your life. A passive stance in an active world only results in someone or something else dictating the course of your life.

The notion that life should be lived passively is something that we learn as children. Anyone who has children, or works with them, will tell you that children are naturally egocentric. When a baby is born, all of his** needs seem immediate. If you do not change his diaper immediately, feed him when he is hungry, or dress him suitably for the weather, he begins to cry. He will not stop crying until his need is met. As he gets older, “no” may become his favorite word. Some might say this is simply a continuation of an infant’s egocentrism. I would venture to add that “No” may also be a learned response. Why? Because that child might often be told “No” regardless of whether he is voicing  a need, desire, or want. “No, you can’t have that.” “No, we can’t do that right now” “No, we’ll do it later.” What message is being sent to the child? “Your need will be postponed because it is less important than mine.” I have come across many parents who seemed to use “no” as a default response rather than out of necessity. Although the child in my example will benefit from understanding the importance of being patient and following rules, he also may learn the unintended lessons that authority figures make decisions haphazardly and someone else is in charge of determining when his need will be met.

When the child enters elementary school, he receives further training. His teacher tells him to follow the rules, to speak only when it is his turn, and his individual needs are less important than the need for group order. Again, these premises are good and necessary for conducting oneself in an orderly society. Yet, they are often taught with such fervor at home and at school that the child begins to wait for a signal from an authority figure that it is time for him to take action so that he can meet his own need. Consequently, a child who is a natural leader may learn to take charge of a situation only when approval is granted by an authority figure. It may take years for this child, who may potentially be a fantastic entrepreneur or dynamic corporate executive, to unlearn these lessons of postponement and conformity.

The damage done by internalization of the principles of conformity and postponement is compounded by another principle that is often taught by parents: “be safe and don’t fail.” Parents want their children to be happy, healthy, and safe. Additionally, children today are subjected to more pressure to succeed and excel than at any other point in history. Consequently, parents tend to teach their children to play it safe, take fewer risks, and not make mistakes. The internalization of this principle together with those of postponement and conformity may produce a child who learns to live in fear. That child also learns it is safer to allow someone else to make decisions because he cannot be held accountable for any failure that occurs as a result of the decision..

I like to the term this behavior as “passive decision making.” You make passive decisions by your own inactivity, passivity, and ambivalence in a particular situation. Passive decisions are often caused by the actions of others. They result from your decision to allow life to happen to you. Do you have a history of passive decision making? Do you wait for an authority figure to tell you when it is time to take action. Unfortunately, those who taught you in your youth have all retired. Your parents have lived their lives and cannot make life-changing decisions for you. Also, they have not changed their desire for you to avoid failure. Your friends are comfortable with the predictability of your actions (or inaction). Passive decision-making is especially problematic if you are a corporate executive, small business owner, or entrepreneur. Other people, and your livelihood, depend upon your ability to make decisions. Those around you may see you as a strong person with great creativity. Yet, you may feel weak and look for a signal from someone else as to when it is time for you to step-up and take action.

It is up to you to decide to abandon the principles of passivity, conformity, and living life without risks that you internalized as a child. You are the only one who will live your life and you are completely responsible for your own actions or inaction. No one else will be sorry that you did not act decisively at any particular time. You are the only one who can take charge and live the life you desire. It is up to you to make the most of the opportunities that are presented to you each day.

My friend, today is the day to ask yourself: “What am I waiting for?” Decide that you will no longer be satisfied if life happens to you because of your passive decisions. Refuse to allow mundane tasks and your own inaction to dictate the course of your life. Set goals that will maximize your personal satisfaction and reach the new levels of success that you set in each of the five key areas of your life.*** Choose to be the captain of your own ship rather than allowing fate to seize the rudder from you and direct the course of your life!  

* please refer to Prioritizing Your Life is a Continual Process

** I am using the male pronoun for the sake of simplicity.

*** For more information about the five key areas of your life, please read The Personal Pinnacle Of Success: Defining Success and Climbing the Mountain on Your Own Terms

Copyright © 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

This article (including the copyright notice) may be reprinted with the following the following attachment:

© 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

Bingo Games, Motivational Material and More at www.UnCommonCourtesy.com! More than 200 holiday, religious, educational, and diversity bingo games and concentration sets available . Bingo games for adults and children to play at home, school, church, corporate meetings, and just about anywhere you can imagine. Games made to order for every occasion. Motivational articles and personal growth exercises too! Join Susan Rempel, Ph.D.’s blog: Seek THE Positive.- end attachment -

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A few days ago it occurred to me that I was violating one of the key themes that I so often espouse to others! 

There I sat at my desk thinking I should work on one of my websites. Maybe, I should work on one of the two book projects I am developing. Then again, there were a bevy of emails I needed to respond to.  While I was at it, I should return several telephone messages. My desk was in its usual state of disarray.  My cup of coffee had long since gone cold. Then it hit me.  Actually, someone hit me!  One of my kids ran up to my desk, gave me a hug, suggested I take him on an errand, and all three of my cherubs were hoping to go out to lunch. I started to groan at the thought of losing an entire afternoon of work when a voice in my head shouted, “Priorities! What happened to your priorities?”

I don’t think I am wrong to assume that many of the people reading this article are like me: a “type-A” workaholic.  Of course, being a workaholic has its benefits: a good income, financial security, never experiencing a dull moment, etc.  Then there is the bad news: focusing exclusively on your job (or any other part of your life) leads to tunnel vision.

If you read my article: The Personal Pinnacle of Success”  (http://uncommoncourtesy.com/personal1.htm) you will remember that it is important to balance your priorities between five key areas of life: work, family, community, conduct of life, and personal satisfaction.  Additionally, you need to establish priorities and goals within each of these areas.  Developing tunnel vision in any area limits the amount of time that you have to spend in the other four areas.  It also prevents an abundance of other things.  It prevents you from participating in a wide range of activities that contribute to a satisfying life.  It also prevents you from experiencing the sense of peace that comes when you control your life rather than having others control it for you.  Further, it prevents you from engaging in meaningful relationships with those who are important to you. 

Your tunnel vision tends to become even more exaggerated when the various aspects of each area lack prioritization. My own situation was a fine example of what happens when work is not prioritized.  The same principle applies to the other areas as well.  Consider how overwhelmed you would feel if you tried to spend equal amounts of time volunteering at your local hospital, coaching your child’s little league team, organizing a school fund-raiser, working full time, as well as meeting the other responsibilities that you have to your work, family, and yourself! Most people who spread themselves too thin in community-related activities either drop out of the activities or feel guilty for not doing enough with each of them. Another example would be telling your spouse, “Honey, I’m here for you 24/7 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).”  That simply is not possible!  You need approximately 10 hours each day to sleep and care for yourself.  During the week, you spend at least 9 hours each day working, commuting, and/or running errands.  If you have children, they need, no they demand, a significant amount of your attention each day. You might even have the audacity to allocate a brief amount of time to yourself each day, so that you can read, exercise, meditate, watch television, or surf the Internet. A much more realistic statement you could make to your spouse is that you want to spend time each day focused exclusively on him or her, and dedicate most of your weekend time to your spouse and children.

As you can imagine, all of these thoughts flashed through my mind as I sat at my desk.  I then realized that it was a great day outside.  Heck, it was Saturday! My children needed my immediate attention much more than anything that I had to work on, and I needed a break. I was out of touch with anything that was not sitting on my desk.  What was the perfect solution? Two of my kids jumped in the car with me, we picked up my youngest child from dance class, and we took care of the errand as then had a nice lunch. I even spent time chatting with my husband after he returned home.  When I returned to my desk, I saw what needed to be completed immediately because I could think clearly. I had the break that I needed to see how to prioritize my workload. On that day work definitely needed to wait until after the “family time” that I needed. 

The point to my story is that merely establishing priorities for your life is not enough. You must also have a clear vision of how you are living your life. Ask yourself if what you are doing at this moment is in sync with the balance that you are seeking to achieve in your life? Is any particular responsibility or relationship demanding so much of your time and energy that you ignore other important aspects of your life? You must constantly monitor your actions within each area as well.  Are you feeling overwhelmed, burned-out, or angry about the amount of time that you focus on one of the key areas?  If the answer is “yes,” then consider it to be a symptom that you need to step back, examine your priorities, and shape your life accordingly.

Copyright © 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

This article (including the copyright notice) may be reprinted with the following the following attachment:

© 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

Bingo Games, Motivational Material and More at www.UnCommonCourtesy.com! More than 200 holiday, religious, educational, and diversity bingo games and concentration sets available . Bingo games for adults and children to play at home, school, church, corporate meetings, and just about anywhere you can imagine. Games made to order for every occasion. Motivational articles and personal growth exercises too! Join Susan Rempel, Ph.D.’s blog: Seek THE Positive.

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How many books have you read that trumpeted the message: becoming tremendously successful is simply a matter of making the commitment to be more successful, becoming more focused on your goals, or renewing a passion for your chosen field of work? The number may be 2, 20, or 200, but undoubtedly you have read them. Unfortunately, those type of books often only convince those people who are already hardworking, diligent, and successful that they could be even more successful if they just became fixated on their work. Paradoxically, people who internalize any of these messages often become disenchanted with their career, feel burned-out, and come to view themselves as inherently unsuccessful. Why? Their definition of “success” is limited, and their obsession with their career causes their lives to become out-of-balance. The good news is that “success” really is yours for the taking. That is, success, as you choose to define it.The first step in defining what your Personal Pinnacle of Success will be is to think about what “success” and being “successful” really mean. Webster’s Online Dictionary (www.m-w.com) defines “success” as a “degree or measure of succeeding,” a “favorable or desired outcome; also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence,” or “one who succeeds.” “Successful” is defined as “resulting or terminating in success” or “gaining or having gained success.”
I believe that most people decide whether or not they are successful by focusing on reaching one particular objective rather than assessing if they are leading lives that are rich in a number of areas. Usually, the objective is a substantial amount of wealth or fame. At least, they categorize someone else as “successful” because of that person’s observable power, prestige, fame, or wealth. Yet, when I work with people who others consider to be highly successful, I often find that they do not share that perception. In fact, they perceive themselves to be quite unsuccessful. They think of themselves as failures, even though they have met or exceeded their own goals, because the amount of wealth or fame that they obtained was their singular measure for determining if they were indeed successful. The lesson to be learned is that fame and fortune are only one component of how success should be determined.

Before sliding down that slippery slope of unsatisfactory self-worth, I encourage you to adopt a new and powerful plan for successful living: the “Personal Pinnacle of Success.” This model expands the definition of success. Rather than measuring success in terms of a desired result in one area of your life (e.g., becoming president of a corporation), the concept of success is expanded to include the notion of “successful living.” What does “successful living” mean? Rather than focusing the majority of your time and effort in one area of your life, your energy is distributed between five key areas. This multifaceted approach significantly impacts how you organize your life, set your priorities, and ultimately define your goals. Each area is important in and unto itself. However, if any of these areas begins to monopolize your time, it can have a toxic effect on your effort to live successfully.

The five key areas of the Personal Pinnacle of Success model are outlined below:

Family: This area includes your spouse (or significant other), children, and extended family.

Career: The scope of this area includes not only your chosen vocational field or profession, but also your educational background, relationships with your colleagues and clients, affiliation with professional organizations, and any other relationships that you have associated with your career.

Community: This area encompasses your friends, acquaintances, religious affiliation, neighborhood organizations, and any community group in which you actively participate.

Conduct of Life: This area includes your moral, value, and belief systems that cause you to conduct your life in a certain manner. It also includes the important aspect of extending courtesies to people you interact with, professionally and socially.

Personal Satisfaction: Happiness, inner peace, spirituality, a feeling of wellness, maintaining a positive outlook toward life, the ability for introspection, and other factors all are components of the area of personal satisfaction.
In order to understand the significance of each these five key areas in your life, draw an analogy to the elements and preparation that are necessary for a successful mountain climbing expedition. Behind every good expedition is a support group of sponsors and facilitators. Your nuclear and extended family serves as the support group in your own life. In order to endure the physical stress of climbing a mountain, you must have a certain level of training. In life, your value and belief systems assist you in carrying on in spite of the stress placed on your character as you move toward greater heights of success. In order to for your to scale a mountain and reach its summit, you must have premium equipment and superlative technique. In conquering your Personal Pinnacle of Success, your education, career experience, and aspirations for future success will enable you to reach the summit on which you have chosen to focus. Any arduous expedition requires a partner or team that you can depend on when your equipment fails or a boulder obstructs your path. A life journey also requires a connection with supportive friends and community members. As you achieve increasing greater levels of personal satisfaction in the course of your own life, compare that to reaching plateaus and ultimately the summit of your Personal Pinnacle of Success. This design for living successfully assures you that your life will be rich in a wide variety of areas rather than having depth in only one and shallowness or emptiness in others. This model also allows you to define on your own terms what it means to be successful.

If you suffer from “chronic career over-focus,” you may be concerned that bringing the five key areas of your life into balance may be detrimental of your career. My response is simple: don’t be. Living successfully allows you to enjoy many aspects of your life. That enjoyment will likely have several unintended, but positive, consequences. For example, the plan that you create to balance the areas of your life may lead you to invest more time and energy in your own community. Think of all the potential business related networking contacts that you may make while donating time at your child’s school or to a community service project. Bringing your life into greater balance will energize you, expand your opportunities for success in all five areas, and lead to many exceptionally interesting and beneficial unintended consequences!

How can you use this model to assure that you will be successful and live successfully? This question can be answered by preparing for and embarking on an expedition to your Personal Pinnacle of Success. During the initial planning and mapping phase of your expedition, you will set a series of goals or benchmarks to be achieved in each of the five key areas I have discussed. The goals that you set in each area should be related to either improving how you function in that area or the level of connectedness that you have with the area’s other group members. You should expect to make periodic adjustments to your plan throughout your journey to your Personal Pinnacle of Success. Just as a planned course must be altered due to a rock slide or weather change, so too may you alter your objectives within each area as you meet a goal or find that a life change necessitates an adjustment in your plan.

Another required element of insuring your future success is designating the balance that you want to achieve between the key areas. In making that determination, you must ask yourself whether each area is of equal importance to you, or if the areas will have varying levels of importance. Please remember that successful living depends upon being connected with each of these areas. As with most teams, each area will have its own strengths and weaknesses for you. Each area will have its moment in time when it is the most important member of your team. Many experienced mountain climbers will tell you that climbing requires more balance than strength. As with climbing, achieving and possessing strength in only one of the key areas of your life may cause the other areas to atrophy and become dysfunctional. You may then be left with the feeling of failure that some outwardly successful people experience that I described earlier. Attaining and maintaining a balance between these five key areas of your life will assure that you live successfully.

In your quest to reach your own Personal Pinnacle of Success, I encourage you to periodically obtain the assistance of a success coach. Like an expert guide, a coach will help you navigate the difficult straits along your journey and help you to live more successfully.

At this point you may be thinking, “It seems that there will always be something to work on. The journey to the peak of a mountain concludes when you reach the summit. Does the journey to my Personal Pinnacle of Success ever end? ” It is true that there will be things for you to work on throughout the course of your life. Just as you would not attempt to climb Mount Everest when you are a novice mountaineer, you will not immediately reach your Personal Pinnacle of Success.

Having a successful career, maintaining a successful relationship with your family, conducting yourself in a manner deserving of people’s respect, becoming a productive member of your community, and feeling satisfied all require planning, hard work, and perseverance. Success is not a static event or single goal to be met. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. Today you begin your training to commence the greatest expedition of your life. Charting the course and scaling the mountain that is your Personal Pinnacle of Success is a life-long process. If your definitions of success and successful living evolve throughout your lifetime, you will ultimately derive a sense of satisfaction with your achievements as well as a feeling of being successful.

Undoubtedly, you have thought of additional questions such as:

“How do I achieve success in each area?”

“How do I determine what the balance I would like to achieve between the key areas should be?”

“How do I move toward that balance?”

Those, my friend, are topics for other articles!

Until then, may you soar toward your dreams and achieve balance in your life.

Copyright © 1998 – 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.

This article (including the copyright notice) may be reprinted with the following the following attachment:

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© 1997 -2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.
Bingo Games, Motivational Material and More at www.UnCommonCourtesy.com! More than 200 holiday, religious, educational, and diversity bingo games and concentration sets available . Bingo games for adults and children to play at home, school, church, corporate meetings, and just about anywhere you can imagine. Games made to order for every occasion. Motivational articles and personal growth exercises too! Join Susan Rempel, Ph.D.’s blog: Seek THE Positive.

 

  

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I’ve just finished reading The Immortality Edgeby Michael Fossel, Greta Blackburn, and Dave Woynarowski. This is a fascinating book that simply and clearly explains what telomeres are, why you should be concerned about them, and how you can make changes that may improve your own longevity.  What I enjoyed most about the book was the detail in their recommended plan. The book included sections on diet, stress reduction, nutrition, and exercise. Not only do the authors tell you what you should do, but they told you why you should do it. I also liked the fact that they recommended a wide range of websites, products, and experts. This book is well worth your time, and I recommend it to everyone. I even had my 11 year old daughter read the chapter about nutrition, and she decided to try to improve her diet! You can pick up a copy of The Immortality Edge by clicking on the link below.

The Immortality Edge: Realize the Secrets of Your Telomeres for a Longer, Healthier Life

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 Did you make your list on January 1st? I did! You may be one of those individuals, like myself, who makes or revises his or her list every month or quarter. What list am I talking about? That list of resolutions, goals, or good intentions that we hope to follow throughout our lives. Things about ourselves or our lives that we want to change. Many of us dutifully compile those lists, but most of us also almost immediately file them away in a place where we will not be forced to examine and measure our actions against them for some time.

Any therapist, coach, or motivational expert will sing the praises of goal charts, resolutions, life plans, or anything else that helps you stay on track to meet your goals. However, that list can be dangerous. It can even be hazardous to your health! How is that possible? If you make that list, place it in a drawer, and look at it months or even a year after you compose it, it can lead to high levels of stress, as well as feelings of disappointment and even despair. Consider how you would feel if you did not examine your well thought out list until one year later. The plans that you made would probably be unfulfilled. The goals that you set for yourself are unmet. You might have traveled far off the road toward your dreams. It is even possible that you may have forgotten to do something critical for your health and well-being (e.g., that physical you’ve already put off for several years).

Goals, and the lists on which you detail them, are only helpful if you remember what they are. It is essential that you review your list weekly. Better yet, post it somewhere that you will constantly see and be reminded of it. It is easy to veer off the road toward your Personal Pinnacle of Success* if you cannot remember the directions that you carefully mapped out to guide you toward success! It is also easy to become sidetracked when obstacles tumble into your path.

As with a goal, a resolution to do something will only remain meaningful if you remember why it was so important to you in the first place. For example, you may have resolved to work for yourself so that you can have more time with your family. It will be essential for you to keep that in mind during the times that you are struggling to establish yourself as an entrepreneur. Why? Because clearly it is easier to work a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. schedule and let someone else deal with all the headaches of running a business.

Goals and resolutions also need to be specific. For example, the goal of losing 5 pounds in a 30 day period is much more likely to be met than an amorphous goal stating, “I will be skinny by the end of the year.” Many people find themselves being able to meet small goals because they are specific and time-limited. However, they encounter difficulties when they set larger goals that have a greater impact on their lives. Why? Because the goals are not divided into small segments that say what you intend to achieve and have a definite end date for meeting the goal. You are much more likely to meet the goals for your professional and private life if they are broken down into manageable and obtainable segments.

Many people are able to meet goals in their professional lives, but fall short of obtaining them in their personal lives. The problem is similar to the desire to “become skinny” rather than lose 5 pounds each month. In business, it is routine to set sales quotas and an end date for completing projects. However, personal goals are often much more non-descript or amorphous. Goals that will improve the self, or one’s level of happiness, are often difficult to define. For many people, the list of things to improve in their personal lives may include becoming a better person, spouse, or parent. Unlike an objective sales quota that may be objectively defined by the volume of sales, becoming a better anything requires a careful consideration and description of what constitutes the positive characteristics of that certain something. For example, you can only begin to work on a concept such as character development after you have established a detailed list of what constitutes a good or strong character. More specifically, rather than having a resolution “to become a better person” during the next six months, I would encourage you to make a list of qualities that you aspire to obtain. That is, if you value the quality of compassion for others, then try to consistently look at the world through the eyes of those around you for one week. When you have achieved that goal, then set a new goal of behaving in that manner for a month. Another example might be instead of resolving to “be a better parent,” try to have more patience with your child in the coming week. As you internalize the new behavior, then extend the timeline for engaging in the behavior. It is important to remember that personal goals designed to change your behavior, and ultimately your character, take time to internalize and become second nature. Until they are, they must be consciously and conscientiously worked on.

Today is the day to pull your list out of the drawer. Then, display it in some prominent place where you will look at it daily. That list will help you stay focused, meet or exceed your goals, and ultimately help you to be happier in life!

 * Please refer to my article: The Personal Pinnacle of Success: Defining and Climbing the Mountain on Your Own Terms” at http://www.uncommoncourtesy.com/personal1.htm.

Celebrate Life today and everyday!

Susan

Susan C Rempel, Ph.D.

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The beginning of a new year is a natural time to take a look at your life and make a list of goals. You might make a list of your top 10 goals for next year. People often set lofty goals for themselves. What is on your list of things to accomplish during the next year? Common goals include: eliminating debt, losing weight, going back to school, spending more time with your family and friends, or becoming more successful.

My suggestion? Turn your goals on their head! Let’s consider the goal of eliminating debt. Wow! If you have a mortgage, car loans, credit card debt, old student loans, etc., you will no doubt throw up your hands in a few weeks because it may take decades to accomplish your goal. However, can you resolve that today you will only spend the cash in your pocket or not spend more than a certain amount of money? Yes, you can! If you want to improve your health, is it likely that you can completely change your diet and stick to it. No, probably not. However, you could resolve that you will not eat any fast food today. Did you achieve your goal? How about tomorrow? Could you do that? Yes, you can! You can also sign up for and attend the first class toward that degree you never finished. That is much easier to carry out than trying to plan how you will complete all ten classes that are required to finish that degree. Is your goal to spend more time with your friends and family? Start by organizing a Facebook group of your nuclear and extended family members. Then post to it once a week. Of course, being successful is an amorphous goal. More than a decade ago I wrote my first article about being successful: “The Personal Pinnacle of Success: Defining Success and Climbing the Mountain on Your Own Terms”. What you define as “being successful” will change, change, and change again over the course of your life. Also, you may experience success in one area of your life, but feel you have neglected others. In my experience, even the most “successful” people feel that he or she needs to be more successful in one way or another. Again, instead of planning out your entire life, ask yourself what you can do today to make yourself feel more successful.

You can choose how to think, feel, and behave today. While you cannot control the actions of others, the economy, or a host of other things, you can make a difference for yourself today and each day. If you make a change, and continue that change for a few weeks, the change will become a habit. Then, decide to make another change. The progression of changes that you make in your life will be slow, but they are much more likely to be successful. What will you choose to change about you think, feel, or behave today? I’d love to hear not only about your choices, but your successes as well! As always, I challenge you to Seek THE Positive! Happy New Year!!

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A few weeks ago, someone sent me a holiday recipe chain. Yes, I will admit, when I saw the email saying “send this to a couple of your friends…..” I cringed. Then, I thought, “Hey, it’s the season of giving. Why not send something along to all of the cooks that I know?” And I did! The same type of chain could be sent to everyone you know. Instead of asking your friends to copy off his or her favorite recipe, how about asking for each recipient to pass along a festive holiday greeting? Think of the goodwill and friendship that could be passed along just with a simple message? My challenge to you today is to send out a holiday greeting chain. Send it to 5 people. Ask each of them to copy in 5 people to his or her own message and send it along. Think of the holiday cheer that you may be responsible for. What a blessing! Pass it along today!!

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